life

jordi came back from thailand, its been very nice but somehow its not quite the same.. i don't know why im surprised that it's not the same cos i should know that..i was the one who fucked it all up... big time.

read something on the computer that i regret, i shouldn't have read it at all. i thought i wouldn't feel anything.. but after reading his msn logs, see how he talks to people, see how he says things to those guys.. it really really hurts.. it's like someone putting a knife through my heart..

he has changed.. so much.. in a way that i really don't like.. he became like me.

life sucks at the moment. i am so fucked up right now. don't really know what's gonna happen.. i think i am looking for something that doesn't exist, im looking for my superman who is invisible.

i wish that life is a lot more simpler and i am a lot less demanding. i have changed so much, im not sure whether it's a good thing.. where is my soul, where is my heart.

i love someone who i shouldn't love, i miss someone who doesn't give a shit about me. why doesn't he call, why doesn't he send a message.. and why doesn't he love me.. he used to love me so much.. so so much.. i miss that, i miss his love.. so much.

just have to keep telling myself that i will be ok and i will find my superman one day, someone who can stop me, someone who can change me. i know people say that i need to change myself, not relying on someone.. but i don't know how.. all my life.. i only change when i am with someone.. someone to hold on to. is that bad?

i don't want to do this anymore.. i want to find someone.. that person.. who i will be with untilt he rest of my life, someone who wants to marry me.. someone who will be on his knees telling me how much he loves me and that 'i am the one'. is that too much to ask.

september

feeling a little better, but i do miss him still, miss his smell, miss the feeling of his skin.

been checking on his facebook and see what he's been up to. i know it's not healthy, i need to move on, but i can't help it.

is this love? or it takes a bit of time to get over someone. i do not know what i love about him, i can't even see myself being with him, but one thing i know... i do miss him very very much, every day, i thought of being with him makes me smile but at the same time its so painful.

listened to a song today by Rihanna, oh my god.. its so how i feel at the moment.

"P.S. (I'm Still Not Over You)"

[verse 1]
Whats up?
I know we haven't spoken for a while
But I was thinkin bout you
And it kinda made me smile
So many things to say
And I'll put em in a letter
Thought it might be easier
The words might come out better
How's your mother, how's your little brother?
Does he still look just like you?
So many things I wanna know the answers to
Wish I could press rewind
And rewrite every line
To the story of me and you

[chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you

[verse 2]
Excuse me, I really didn't mean to ramble on
But there's a lot of feelings that remain since you've been gone
I guess you thought that I would put it all behind me
But it seems there's always somethin right there to remind me
Like a silly joke, or somethin on the t.v.
Boy it aint easy
When I hear our song
I get that same old feeling
Wish I could press rewind
Turn back the hands of time
And I shouldn't be telling you

[chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you

Did you know I kept all of your pictures
Don't have the strength to part with them yet
Oh no....
Tried to erase the way your kisses taste
But some things a girl can never forget

[chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you


i hope he is ok, i hope he is happy.