life

jordi came back from thailand, its been very nice but somehow its not quite the same.. i don't know why im surprised that it's not the same cos i should know that..i was the one who fucked it all up... big time.

read something on the computer that i regret, i shouldn't have read it at all. i thought i wouldn't feel anything.. but after reading his msn logs, see how he talks to people, see how he says things to those guys.. it really really hurts.. it's like someone putting a knife through my heart..

he has changed.. so much.. in a way that i really don't like.. he became like me.

life sucks at the moment. i am so fucked up right now. don't really know what's gonna happen.. i think i am looking for something that doesn't exist, im looking for my superman who is invisible.

i wish that life is a lot more simpler and i am a lot less demanding. i have changed so much, im not sure whether it's a good thing.. where is my soul, where is my heart.

i love someone who i shouldn't love, i miss someone who doesn't give a shit about me. why doesn't he call, why doesn't he send a message.. and why doesn't he love me.. he used to love me so much.. so so much.. i miss that, i miss his love.. so much.

just have to keep telling myself that i will be ok and i will find my superman one day, someone who can stop me, someone who can change me. i know people say that i need to change myself, not relying on someone.. but i don't know how.. all my life.. i only change when i am with someone.. someone to hold on to. is that bad?

i don't want to do this anymore.. i want to find someone.. that person.. who i will be with untilt he rest of my life, someone who wants to marry me.. someone who will be on his knees telling me how much he loves me and that 'i am the one'. is that too much to ask.