first blog

life has been pretty funny the past year, went through so much, moved around so many time. feeling a bit lost, left someone who i was with for 6 years, someone who i thought i was gonna be with until the rest of my life. i left him for someone who is good looking, great sex, that's about it. we have nothing in common, and we fight all the time. it was a good experience, we did try and try and try for nearly a year. we hurt each other so much. now it is over, it's time to let go.

not a single day that i regret what i did, why did i leae someone who i was with for so long, 6 years is a very long time, the relationship was perfect, we shared the same interest, we liked doing the same thing, we had amazing life together. i'm just a fucked up little human being, i was like a kid who had a new toy, got excited and blind, not realizing that the toy i had in my hand was the greatest present i could ever have.

been out on dates, there isn't anyone who is interesting or anyone who i would like to be with. i know with all my heart now that it's not easy to find the right guy.

i'm just waiting and wishing that he will love me again and forgive me for what i've done.

let up with a guy in paris, Antoine, who is super cute and i spent an amazing 30 minutes with him but i dont think anything will happen, he lives in paris and i dont even know whether he is looking for anything apart from sex. he was holding my hand, kissing me, touching my within the first 5 minutes, it was a very nice and intense date i ever had. he has an amazing smile. i can see myself easily falling in love with him,

going back to work tomorrow, been sleeping late every night for the last 3 weeks, so unhealthy.

i've lived my life in a gay scene for a year, or should i say ' asian gay scene ' and now i realize it's not really for me. i miss my old life, simple life, easy life. life without having to talk about men, cock or sex all the time. life that i had, going out for dinner, listening to people debate about things, talking about art and give each other openions. something or somewhere that i could actually learn things. the only thing i learnt for the past year is how to make a fucked up relationship, how to hurt people, and how to deal with gay asian community.

my life has lost its centre, i'm lost without love, i'm lost without a man guiding me and telling that he loves me and that he will be there for me. is that sad? is that strange that i'm depending my life on another man? i have always been like that. i've always been a much happier person when i'm in a relationship.

bed time.