again

here we go again, now we are back together, but still.. how long is it gonna last this time.

does he really love me? does he really want to be with me? i do love him so very much.. but i am so scared..

if he loves me, why did he go to someone's flat, holding someone in his arm watching dvd?

he said he wants to stop doing so many things.. like go to the scene, sleeping around.. but how long does that gonna last? can he change? do i want him to change? can't i just love/ accept him for who he is.

i am pretty confused again..

why life seem so complicated at the moment.

i just want someone.. someone right.. someone there.. someone with lots and lots of love and passion.. someone who thinks the world of me, misses me every single second of the day, wanting me every minute of the night.

is that too much to ask? am i too demanding?

sometimes things don't seem/ feel real!

confused

i am so confused!

would like this period of my life to pass.

someone said this to me, and it is so true.

'i found the best lover, but not a good boyfriend'

oh well..

again... where is my superman.. where is that passion, there are those eyes!

hurts

why does it hurt so much.

i miss him everyday,every minute, every second of the day.

saw him earlier today in town with someone.. i felt like someone was stabbing a knife through my heart.

i have to be strong and not contacting him. just have to believe that this is for the best.

i said horrible things to him, really want to call and say that 'i'm sorry' but then the thing between us will never end.

i miss his smell, i miss his kiss.

why do i love someone so much, someone who is capable of hurting me. someone who i don't even know if he loves me, misses me, or have any kind of feeling for me.

it is hard.. i want to call and hear his voice, i want to go over there and hold him tight in my arms. but we both will only end up hurting each other again.

is he... is he the love of my life? guess time will tell. not being in contact for a bit might be a good thing, hopefully it will show how we feel about each other.

but right now, one thing i know for sure is.. i'm missing him like crazy, and he is still in my heart.